You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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