the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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