i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
