she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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