oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
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