I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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