guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize