this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
