Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I pour the whiskey from now on
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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