I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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