dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Less talking, more tequila
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
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