dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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