i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize