Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
