I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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