I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
