P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize