the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize