i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
