i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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