Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
