I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I want you more than these girls want KFC
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
