Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Did you pee in the oven last night??
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
