There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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