I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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