Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
