You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
