my vag is so smooth its legendary
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
