Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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