when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
