So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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