You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Randomize
