You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She told me I should be a condom model.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Randomize
