pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize