i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
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