i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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