"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
