I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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