i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
