I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
