Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
