I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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