I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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