Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
