I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
