So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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