Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
