i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize