This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
we should paint friendship bongs
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
