life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
