You smell like stripper and shame
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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