Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
