Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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