So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize