i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
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