He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
