I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
