Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I'm having to shit out rocks
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