He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
