I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
