what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
