Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize