I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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