Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
