$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
