i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
